In Loving Memory of Dr. Mary Patricia Donihee Gould
1941 – 2023
Dr. Mary Patricia Donihee Gould, known to all as Patricia (Pat), left an indelible mark on the hearts and minds of those she encountered throughout her remarkable journey. On December 28th, 2023, Patricia transitioned on her own terms, surrounded by the love of her family. She was preceded in death by her beloved husband, Kenneth R. Gould, the father of her children, Ross Darling, and her granddaughter-in-law, Jennifer Hachey.
Born on July 15th, 1941, in Cornwall, Ontario, Patricia was the daughter of the late Lieutenant Colonel Joseph P. Donihee and Mary (MacIntosh) Donihee. Growing up on the banks of the mighty Saint Lawrence River, she developed a profound connection to water that stayed with her throughout her life.
A true Maritimer, Patricia’s heart found a home in New Brunswick, where she embraced the picture Province with a deep love for its landscapes. As a loving wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, mentor, friend, and colleague, Patricia is survived by her three incredible children: Cheryl Hachey (Dennis), Michael Darling (Nancy), and Donald Darling (Patti), and her stepchildren, Ryan Gould, Jon Gould (Debbie Murray), and Stephanie Gould (Mark Leahy).
Patricia’s legacy lives on through her cherished grandchildren, Daniel, Andrew (Nicole), and Erin Hachey; Kathryn, Nicholas, Meghan, Mariah, and Liam Darling; Sarah, Alex, and Isaac Gould; and Hudson Leahy. She was also blessed with great-grandchildren Evelyn, Rider, Sawyer Hachey, Isabelle, and Henry Kenneth Hachey.
She is survived by her sister, Elizabeth Sterritt (David), and brothers, John Donihee (Susan) and Jim Donihee (Sue), along with several nieces, nephews, and their families.
Enduring friendships added richness and warmth to Patricia’s life, reflecting the depth of her connections and the love she generously bestowed upon those around her and received.
A lifelong learner, Patricia’s academic journey was marked by achievements, including degrees from St Joseph’s School of Nursing, St Thomas University, the University of New Brunswick, and Westbrook University. She earned her Ph.D. in counselling psychology from Westbrook University in 2002.
Patricia’s commitment to service extended to numerous boards, including The College of Licensed Counselling Therapists, Muriel McQueen Ferguson Foundation, and The William Glasser Institute Canada, where she was a senior faculty member. She made significant contributions to the fields of counselling and mediation and authored several impactful works.
Patricia touched lives globally because of her big spirit and acts of kindness. Her extensive community involvement included serving on local, regional and national boards.
Patricia found joy and inspiration and strengthened her role as a wisdom keeper through her work with the global Dr. Sue Morter’s Energy Code Community.
During her short decline in health, Patricia received compassionate care from healthcare professionals, and her family would like to express deep gratitude for their competence and compassion.
Arrangements are under the care and direction of Brenan’s Funeral Home, 111 Paradise Row, Saint John, New Brunswick, (506-634-7424). A celebration of Patricia’s extraordinary life will be held in the form of a party later. For updates on the event and to be added to the invitation list, please email dondarling.ca@gmail.com. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to the United Way of Saint John: https://unitedwaysaintjohn.com/donate-now/. Online condolences may be placed at www.BrenansFH.com
As Patricia wished, “Please don’t stand by my grave and weep. I won’t be there. I will be in your hearts, minds, memories, joy, and laughter.”
Love her by living every moment of your life to the fullest.
Many people are struggling with rapid changes, feelings of overwhelm, and a sense of isolation. Yet, some people seem able to maintain their sense of balance and equilibrium. What do they know that allows them to stay grounded, open hearted and excited about life?
One of the things they know is how to focus on what’s going on within versus externally. When you focus outside of yourself it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated or helpless. By moving your attention inward you gain more internal control and stability. Understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings and the body’s response offers the potential to stay grounded. The key is being able to apply this knowledge daily.
The Inner Balance online program offers you a step-by-step guide to applying the concepts in your daily life. If you are new to Choice Theory, Inner Balance is a wonderful introduction to Dr.Glasser’s ideas. If you are a seasoned practitioner you will know it’s easy to learn ideas, but much harder to incorporate them. This program is designed to support you in living Choice Theory in day-to-day life. It will give you the support and practice required to make the skills second nature.
Glasser Canada is happy to endorse :
the Inner Balance program and is excited to reach new people while supporting the current Glasser community. We at Our World Transformed Inc. appreciate the support of Glasser Canada. Please know your registration also benefits Glasser Canada and their pursuit of “creating peace and wellbeing for humanity.”
“Whether you are new to these ideas, personally and professionally, or have years of study and experience, I highly recommend InnerBalance. Even with all my years of studying, living and teaching Choice Theory, I found the beauty and value this course offers is the opportunity to go deeper throughout the day, live into and more fully embody the principles personally and… playfully catch myself when I am ‘out of balance’.
Lynn and Jeff’s inspiring videos released weekly, along with the Learning Log, and guided ‘homeplay’, allow for a clear path through the course. I continue to be amazed at the quality of The Inner Balance Course, for such a minimal investment. Please gift yourself this experience.”
Anna Corbett, MS, LPC, BCC
Integrative Health and Wellness Coach/Mentor,WGI Senior Faculty since 1982, San Diego, California USA
Glasser Canada has lost a pioneer who worked tirelessly for our French communities!
We offer our deepest sympathies to the family of Claude Marcotte
We owe a great debt to Claude Marcotte who worked in the ‘early’ days mainly with instructors from the United States and other parts of Canada to begin training with Dr. Glasser’s concepts: Bill Abbot, Perry Good, Ron Harshman, Lynn Sumida, Hélène Grenier, Diane Gossen, Jim Montagnes, to name a few. It was Claude Marcotte along with Richard Coutu and Louise-Nicole Dupuy who were instrumental in getting almost all of Dr. Glasser’s books, at that time, translated into French by two publishing houses, Les Éditions Logiques and Chenelière-McGraw Hill.
The Association Québécoise de la Thérapie de la Réalité [A.Q.T.R.] was ‘key’ in promoting and teaching Glasser’s work within the social services organizations that embraced Glasser’s ideas throughout Québec: group homes, education, and the penal system. As a result, Québec enjoyed its own trainers: Francine Bélair, Pierre Brunet, Claude Marcotte, Richard Coutu, and Jean Seville Suffield. Due to the leadership of several president s such as Gilles Dumas, Donald Tremblay, Claude Marcotte and other members of the board: Gervais Sirois, Ginette Biron, Claude Dufour, Denis Chayer, Vallyer Tremblay, Anne Hélène Dussault, Pierre Tremblay, and Jean Seville Suffield, Dr. Glasser had attended a Quality School conference in Rimouski, Québec with over five hundred [500] in attendance. Another highlight was a certification week in Alma, Québec which would precede the conference there.
Dr. Glasser wrote about the event:
One of the highlights of my year was to present my ideas to the Québec Association for Reality Therapy in Alma Québec. What I was most pleased about was the competence the group showed me in their understanding of choice theory, which is the key to using all my present work. It is also the core of a happy, successful personal life. I believe that choice theory is being used both personally and professionally in Québec and I very much want to return to the next conferencewhen my new book on mental health is out. I also appreciated the hospitality that I was shown by the organizing committee from the time I got off the plane. My only regret is that I don’t speak French, but I was made to feel very welcome with all I have; my English. I congratulate the organizing committee for a very well-run conference. Thank you.
At the outset of bringing Glasser’s ideas to Canada, Linda Harshman indicated that Québec had the highest number of people who were certified within the Institute’s early days. This was due to the dedication that Claude Marcotte and others to Dr. Glasser’s work. One of the most notable body of research on reality therapy was conducted by our French Connection. Under the leadership of Claude Marcotte, in-house trainer, and lead researchers, [Sylvie Bilodeau, Guylaine Frenette, Annie Roberge, and Geneviève Robichaud] in four group homes in Québec City, offered their report, “Project: Impact R.T. The Impact of Reality and Choice Theory applied for five years in four group homes of the Centre jeunesse de Québec “Institut universitaire” through the University of Laval. Physical force [restraints] were reduced from over 300/day to almost none from 2001 – 2006. The study has been translated and published in the Journal, should anyone wish to read the complete report. Let us know through Glasser Canada and we can send you the full report in French and in English. This research, to the best of our knowledge, is the only longitudinal study offered on the efficacy of reality therapy. Dr. Robert Wubbolding has mentioned the research in some of his work.
Claude Marcotte was always interested in bringing new supervisors and instructors on board and worked toward this end collaboratively with the Glasser group on the English side to upgrade the site to WGI – Québec. He always remained true to Dr. Glasser’s ideas and worked tirelessly to offer these ideas to others. He retired in 2017.
Glasser Canada and its members and all those whose lives Claude touched offer deepest sympathies to the Marcotte family on Claude’s passing. May time heal the pain of loss leaving only happy memories. May God bless Claude and may he rest in peace!
Remerciements :
English Content : Jean Seville Suffield, DNM [Senior Faculty, WGI]
French Content : Sylvie Bilodeau, [Basic Instructor, IWG]
Note: The date of the funeral has not yet been set. Please consult the death notices for Québec City for more information.
You may express your message of condolences here. You may also choose to make a donation to the Québec Cancer Foundation https://fqc.qc.ca/fr
Clark, Ian Andrew, 49, of Halifax, passed away on August 31, 2019. Born on February 19, 1970, Ian was the son of the late Andrew and May Clark, both of whom he was very close. Ian is survived by his loving wife, Kim, and beautiful children, Kara and Jocelyn, as well as faithful dog, Dexter. Ian was a lifelong resident of Wedgewood Park and attended Grosvenor Wentworth Park School and Halifax West High School. He then enrolled in Dalhousie University and graduated in 1993 with degrees in Physical Education and Education respectively. While at Dalhousie, Ian was a member of the Varsity Soccer Team for five years, winning a bronze medal at the Canadian Interuniversity Athletic Union national championships in his final year. Ian also played on the 1989 Nova Scotia Canada Games Soccer Team and Halifax King of Donair Soccer Club that became the first club team from Nova Scotia to win a national championship in 2001.
For their efforts, Ian and his teammates were inducted into the Nova Scotia Sports Hall of Fame in 2012. Ian coached many school and club teams over the years. Most recently, he took great pleasure in helping to coach Kara’s team for the past three years. Ian was employed as a teacher, first at Astral Drive Junior High and then Graham Creighton Junior High. In 2006, Ian graduated from Acadia University with a Masters in Education in Counselling. He then worked as the school counsellor at Eastern Passage Education Centre before transferring to Fairview Junior High in 2017. In his position, Ian did his best to help young people and their families navigate the challenges of life.
After soccer, Ian took up several outdoor adventure sports, most notably orienteering. In 2008, he won a bronze medal at the Canadian Orienteering Championships in his age category. He later went on to be named the 2014 and 2015 Orienteering Association of Nova Scotia Male Athlete of the Year. Here he also tried to give back by volunteering on the OANS Executive Board in various roles and by becoming an event director, and by organizing meets so that others could participate. Ian considered himself very fortunate to be a part of some very successful teams; however, what he appreciated most about his involvement in sports was the opportunity to make countless lifelong friendships, with both teammates and competitors alike.
While Ian enjoyed sports and his profession, he loved nothing more than spending time with his family. He and Kim were together 25 years, during which time Kara and Jocelyn were born. Ian and Kim loved to travel together with the girls, whether it be abroad or closer to home camping at Keji. Ian simply loved playing with Kara and Jocelyn, attending their activities, and watching them grow.
TESTIMONIALS FROM GLASSER CANADA
With great appreciation for the Quality World involvement with Ian as be became involved in The William Glasser Institute in counselling training that was part of his journey towards a M.Ed. Counselling at Acadia University and service to the youth of his school communities.
We carry with us the Spirit of those who make a difference in our lives, creating a better world wherever
their hearts and minds go . . . and so will be eternally grateful for the presence of Ian in my Life and in the lives of so many others.
Richard Nichols Friend, Mentor, Colleague
I met Ian on several occasions and he called me up to discuss becoming a school counsellor. We had many conversations over the years about Reality Therapy as a counselling model but, more importantly, Ian displayed his passion towards Dr. Glasser’s ideas and implemented them not only in his work but also in his personal life.
We met a few times when he came to Moncton for training or to attend a conference. He was super excited to meet Dr. Glasser for the first time. He called me to tell me about the wonderful discussion that he and Dr. Glasser had about Quality Schools. Ian wanted me to know that Dr. Glasser had told him that if he wanted to know any more about Choice Theory™ or Reality Therapy™, he should contact Maureen McIntosh or Ken Pierce in Canada because they really knew it and understood. Ian was so happy to be able to share that with me.
His family was more important to him than anything else. He loved talking about his children. We talked in general about how much understanding Choice Theory™ really helped in our personal lives and in our relationships. Ian was a one of a kind, a gentle soul whom we shall sadly miss. We sat together the last time we both saw Dr. Glasser in Los Angeles. Ian was so happy to have made that trip. Sending love to his family and friends who, I am sure, are missing him.
Maureen McInosh, Friend and Colleague
Ian Clark was such a joy: welcoming smile, generous loving nature, curious about learning new ideas, creative and innovative in applying what he learned, and contributing to the quality of students’ lives. I worked with him as his instructor and later when he became a Supervisor with The William Glasser Institute, I worked with him as a colleague.
I recall what I believe to be a humourous story when Ian encouraged a Grade 7 class to read Dr. Glasser’s book, Every Student Can Succeed since the WGI – Canada was interested and had begun to translate this book into French. We, who knew and loved Dr. Glasser, understood that his genius was making the complex simple. If we closed our eyes, and someone were reading any paragraph or section of any of his books, we could imagine our mentor sitting on the stage, speaking with us in a conversational way. Well, Grade 7 students, at that time, were immersed in grammar, spelling and, in some districts, even analyzing sentences. What? No u in harbor or in neighbor! Did subject and predicate agree?
Ian encouraged his students to write to Dr. Glasser asking him all kinds of questions about their observations not only about syntax but also about the ideas. Ian and I delighted in Ian’s telling of the story. Sure enough, one day in speaking with Dr Glasser, I learned that he did, indeed, answer Ian’s students and taught them that there are even languages in the world that do not have the full 26 letters in the alphabet! So, did it really matter? This is the Ian I remember: quick-witted, thirsty for more ideas related to how students learn in his pursuit of brain-based teaching and learning, dedicated, loyal, committed, and always one to keep his word. I shall miss him. May God bless him and may his family find peace in knowing how he contributed in making the world a better place!
Jean Seville Suffield, DNM
Friend and Colleague
DONATION INFORMATION
If you would like to make a memorial donation please consider KidSport Nova Scotia, the Activating Cancer Care through an Exercise Strategy for Survivors program (ACCESS), or a charity of your choice. To donate to ACCESS, please go to: https://qe2foundation.ca and click on ”Donate” and make your selections. Under “How may we use your donation, select: “For a specific area or purpose,” and in the “For a specific area” box please type ACCESS. For a full obituary please go to: www.jasnowfuneralhome.com
Reference & Acknowledgement for Memorial information, adapted with appreciation from JA Snow’s Funeral Home –Dignity Memorial.
I recently read a wonderful book – The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. Truly it has been a long time since I underlined and wrote notes in the margins of a book, and I did this extensively for this book. Ellen Gelinas, a Glasser colleague recommended the book and she is a great resource for books. I was especially interested because it focusses on something central to all of Dr. Glasser’s work – relationship-ing. The author, Priya Parker, writes beautifully and personally, sharing story after story of her experiences of both successful and unsuccessful gatherings. As a presenter, trainer and fairly social person I wondered what I could learn from her. The answer: A Lot!
Whether it is Mother’s day or Father’s day, a family barbecue, a business meeting or a baby shower Priya says EVERY gathering can be enriched if you focus on WHY you are really gathering.
We often think we KNOW why we are gathering it’s clear: it’s a board meeting, a baby shower, a monthly book club gathering… but she encourages looking deeper. For example, does your meeting really accomplish all that it could in terms of connection, vision and productivity?
What’s the deepest and most meaningful reason for gathering?
Next she focuses on hosting and boy did I see myself in her examples of NOT hosting well. Many of us are shy of really standing up and hosting well. We don’t want to impose on people so we greet them, tell them about drinks, food or logistics and then we step back emotionally, metaphorically leaving them on their own to manage.
A good host carries the ball all the way to the end, including managing the “know it all” or person who goes off in a crazy direction. Because you are the host no one else is likely to feel it’s their place to intervene and so you leave your guests “hostage” to one person.
I could go on and on about how to start a gathering well, which most of us don’t bye the way, we start with logistics which is all wrong according to Priya. She even puts a spotlight on how the space can make a huge difference. I’ll end this blog with a really valuable piece of advice she offers: If you want your guests/colleagues or friends to open up YOU have to lead. You have to share something that says “It’s safe to be more open, more vulnerable and I am going to go first and I’ll stay in the lead to guide the process well”.
A few more notes for those who like details:
Priya’s Goals: Put the right People, in the right Space and help them think, dream, challenge, trust and connect for a larger purpose. Help people connect more deeply on what matters and inspires
Strategy:
⦁ Establish the WHY of the gathering FIRST! No matter what type of gathering or how many times it has happened, consider revisiting WHY you are really gathering. Drill deeply, it will influence what you do:
⦁ Is it to build a tribe?
⦁ Make connections?
⦁ Help people move from a “should” to a “could” perspective (“should” often breed hurt disappointment, shame, guilt)?
⦁ Have a Disputable Purpose – this will help filter out who wants attend, and set criteria for decisions etc. Eg. “Consumption is robbing us of our future” Not everyone will agree with this statement and the title will help people decide if they want to engage on the topic.
⦁ There is power in displacement, getting people out of their comfort zone. Breaking routines or habits
can elevate a meeting/conversation or gathering to a higher level.
Hosting: I loved this Zulu greeting that Priya shared: “Sawubona” I see you “Ngikhona” I am here
⦁ Optimize being the host! You are in charge so savour it, be a wonderful host, starting with the welcome when people arrive. Be the depth and sincerity you want from them!
⦁ Stand in your right to be a host, this is no time for shyness or modesty Priya says, it confuses people
⦁ Don’t abandon your role part way through the evening or gathering… if you do, you abandon your guests
⦁ If you need to step out of role for a few minutes assign the roles to others eg. time keeper
⦁ Protect your guests from a negative vibe or “know-it-alls
⦁ Chill doesn’t work and isn’t cool – be courageous
⦁ Connect people and think about shifting the balance of connections from host=guest to guest=guest
⦁ Do your homework on your guests if introductions are needed. Off the cuff will not serve!
⦁ Create safety, as much as you can, by having clear rules and sticking to the rules you set!!!
Themes and Space:
If the theme is caring think about how you would set the stage for people to be caring off the top. Plan your questions/activities to build caring etc. If you want deep and meaningful conversation then the invitation needs to convey this.
Does the space support/enhance your theme? A poor setting will unconsciously set up a certain dynamic. Sometimes an unexpected venue will be the perfect choice.
Process: “A talented gatherer doesn’t hope people will become a group, she makes them a group”
Did you know people pay most attention to the first 10% of the gathering, last 10%, plus one highlight in the middle? Don’t waste the beginning when people are really focussed, with logistics. Set the tone, share the purpose, and why “they” in particular are there. Do this with as much passion as possible.
Good Controversy and Endings: If you want a great discussion you need to set ground rules so that it really is productive and not just a free for all. As far as endings are concerned most people are poor at this too! We need to really think about how you want to end a gathering. Do you want people to just leave when they are tired, do you want a firm finish? There are no set rules, only what will serve your process best.
“May Your Gatherings be Richer and More Meaningful”
This book outlines how we each have “upper limits” that stop us from taking the big leap to our next level of success. These limits are operating in each of the different aspects of our life. They are present in work, relationships, and even creative endeavors. The term “upper limits” applies to the pattern of putting on the brakes, or somehow managing to stop yourself from living your full potential. When you step more fully into your potential the ego has less influence and control and it therefore will do all it can to prevent this. Beliefs are the major way the ego has of stopping us. Beliefs about what can do, what we deserve, and even what is possible.
Gay Hendricks asks:
Are you willing to increase the amount of time that you feel good inside?
Are you willing to increase the amount of time that your whole life goes well?
Are you willing to feel good and have your life go well all the time?
It may feel easy to say yes to the first two questions but if you felt a twinge of discomfort on the last statement and whether it is even possible, this is resistance in the form of a limiting belief.
Here are a few more questions to consider:
How much happiness and exuberance are you comfortable with?
Are you uncomfortable with other people’s success, or question how they got it?
Are you suspicious when things work out easily or quickly?
These questions can point to where you have self-imposed limits.
Where do “upper limits” come from?
There are three main ways that upper limits originate:
From your family environment
From an experience where you were “knocked down/disappointed/hurt”
From a desire to help someone else feel better, by limiting yourself
Let me offer some examples to expand the above 3 categories.
In the family environment you may have grown up being taught unconsciously or sometimes explicitly, not to expect too much from life. It may have been the feeling of “we’re poor or things never work out”. The attitude is “this is just the way things are AND they aren’t going to change. And this does not need to be spoken out loud necessarily. Or you may not have ever seen someone YOU know, do really well. Or you did know someone who did well and you heard adults criticize or condemn them or they paid for it in a negative way like getting hurt, sick, divorced, etc.
If you experienced being knocked down and this occurred after you just experienced success you may form the belief that you shouldn’t be so happy or proud. “Don’t get too big for your britches” captures the feeling of this one. Almost instantly success can be paired with a negative experience and feeling.
The third main way we limit ourselves shows up when we sense that our success could or is making someone else feel less than or bad. Now, for the sake of another person’s feelings, we have to mute or downplay our success. If we don’t, we look like an insensitive person.
What experiences from your own life come to mind as you think about these three categories? What did your family teach you, whether intentionally or not? What happened to you when you were successful or tried to be? And did you ever downplay your success and if so why?
Here are a few other questions to consider:
I can’t expand into my full potential because__________________________________________
I can’t expand to my full success because_____________________________________________
I can’t be the real leader I want to be because_________________________________________
I can’t have the financial freedom I want because______________________________________
Ultimately, all upper limits result from limiting beliefs. These beliefs are almost invisible to us because they became part of us long ago. It’s almost like they “slipped” in when we were sleeping. Getting at the root of these beliefs, and clearing them from our system is very important for our health, well-being, and success. If you know you want to move ahead more powerfully, or feel happier and more alive, consider getting help to address your limiting beliefs.
The lobster fishery has been a way of life for generations of families in sea-side communities. It has literally put food on lots of tables.
Over the years, the perception of the value of lobster has changed. Lobster hasn’t always been considered a treat; far from it.
Generations ago, it was embarrassing for a kid to bring lobster to school. A lobster sandwich conveyed the message, “We can’t afford to buy filling for our sandwiches; we have to eat lobster.” Lowly lobsters were perceived as trash, tossed in the garden for fertilizer.
How’s lobster perceived now? It’s a delicacy in restaurants. It’s packaged for travel. It’s no longer perceived to be the food of the poor.
But it’s still lobster. It still looks, tastes, and smells the same as it did generations ago. The lobster hasn’t changed. What did?
The perception of value has changed. Why? Part of that change may reflect supply and demand. However, it seems that there was also a perceptual change similar to what happens in fashion. Clothing, jewelry, shoes—they are all vulnerable to going “in” or “out” of style. A brand name hits the right promotional tone, becomes the hot thing; everyone wants it, price goes up.
Then that brand is ousted by a different brand and your expensive sweatshirt, purse or coat becomes so “last year.” The product hasn’t changed. The material, the design, the workmanship is still there. But now it’s worth a fraction of its former value.
Let’s take those questions of value into a bigger picture. Consider the objects that you value. What makes them valuable to you? Is it the purchase price? The usefulness? The memories it evokes?
Does something take on higher value if it’s celebrity-endorsed? Does something take on a higher value if others wish they had it? If you lived in the wilderness with no one to impress or to envy, would you still value the object?
Does your perception of an object’s value depend on how valuable others believe it to be? Or do you perceive the value based on your personal criteria: usefulness, effectiveness, whatever is important to you?
Now, let’s consider the value of ideas and opinions.
When you hear an opinion, does your perception on whether it’s right or wrong depend on who is voicing it? Does it depend on how popular it is? Does it depend on whether it’s promoted in media or by thought leaders? Or do you decide based on your own criteria: your principles, beliefs, and critical thinking skills?
Do you question why some opinions are promoted, while others are ridiculed? Do you wonder whether some prevalent opinions of the day are fundamentally sound, or are they, like the value of lobster, based on perceptions?
Whether it’s products or ideas, when we let others define value for us, we give up an important freedom.
If you have lobster sandwiches in your lunch box, how concerned would you be that others might judge you?
On Friday, July 27 a good friend and supporter lost her battle to cancer. Janet Longaphie was the first and only School Principal to bring her Beaverbrook School to the status of Glasser Quality School.
In 1991 Dr. Glasser came to Moncton for a conference with Reality Therapy New Brunswick. At that time, I made arrangements for him to speak to a group of administrators at the local school district. Janet told me that she had read his book. “ Schools Without Failure” back in 1969 and had always been a fan of his.
At that time he had his new book called Quality School. After a few years of using some of what she learned, from Glasser and his writing she bought a book for every teacher in the school. They met weekly for an early morning breakfast before school to study the book and it’s concepts.
In 1997 after the study was done, Janet believed her staff may be ready to do the training programs. She contacted me to see when and if we could do the training. First she had to ask her teachers. To her amazement, all of them wanted to take the training.
We spent the next three years working with staff and parents and even went into the school classroom at the request of teachers. It was amazing and wonderful to see these ideas develop in a public school. Janet never accepted “ no” for an answer when it came to getting funding for her teachers.
In 2000, Dr. Glasser came to town again and this time, Janet had asked her teachers if they were ready to declare themselves a Glasser Quality School. They agreed and Dr. Glasser attended the first and only Glasser Quality School in Canada to accept their declaration. Janet was an amazing caring teacher and principal.
She was quoted in a news video as stating that the biggest change in the school was she was no longer spending time disciplining and the teachers were now able to teach learners that wanted to learn and she was able to do her work. I want to share more information about what the impact her work with The Quality School had in the community. Even after retirement, she continued to work in the community.
In 2003, Doug Jones and I received a letter outlining what was happening at the school 3 years after they declared themselves a Glasser Quality School
Janet wrote: “ Beaverbrook School continues its Journey to Quality. Each day we see new signs of children, parents and staff using Choice Theory in their interactions in the school and on their playground. We continue to learn and grow and often talk about how we cannot believe the changes in the school and the students.
We all believe that it is the relationships that we have at school-relationships between staff and students, students and students, and staff and parents that are changing the school. We do not always see the parent and child interaction but often in the hallways will hear the parents talk to their children about choices, encouraging them to make good choices. Our goal is to keep Beaverbrook School in not only each student and staff member’s Quality World, but in the parent’s Quality Worlds as well and we believe this is happening>
What is happening at Beaverbrook?
In her letter, Janet continued:
“DISCIPLINE
We are very pleased with the statistics about our discipline incidents. Our Violence and Bullying statistics show a dramatic drop in the number of incidents. Our students know that they cannot blame other kids for their actions. They know that they alone are responsible for them. This makes such a difference in the discussions that take place with the children. Discipline is a learning opportunity not a punishment and when children understand this and begin to take responsibility for their behavior the number of incidents decreases significantly.”
In talking with Janet, she told me that they used a solution room with the students. It was a small space across from the principal’s office. Whenever there was a conflict between two students they went to the solution room to work out their differences on their own. When they found a solution they both could work with, they reported back to the principal and then returned to the classroom. Most of the time this was related to incidents on the playground.
Janet continued:
“ SCOR=E
During our SCOR=E program in the first two weeks of school, all of our children in Grade K to 8 are taught Choice Theory. The teachers welcome the opportunity during these two weeks to develop a relationship with each of their students that will be a good foundation for the coming school year. SCOR=E This acronym stands for Study, Concentration, Organization, Reading equals Excellence. It is a two- week program at the beginning of the school year that teaches academic skills in the mornings and social emotional skills in the afternoons. The entire school takes part because this is when we teach our Choice Theory and get to know the children but the format has been designed to meet the needs of the children at their own level. “
Leadership is everything and Janet understood the value of creating great relationships with the children so they would want to learn. You see the teachers did not have to put all the children in their quality worlds but they needed to be in the quality worlds of the children. We have a tendency to listen and learn from those people that we have in our quality world.
What about academics? Janet continues:
ACADEMICS
We were thrilled with the increase in our provincial academic testing scores this year. In the past, we have struggles to achieve a measure of success in these tests. This year we not only matched the district and provincial averages, we exceeded them in a number of areas. This as an extremely pleasant surprise.
I remember when Janet got the results of the tests she was so impressed with her students and teachers. She knew that the children from this center city school were beginning to love learning. She told me that it had gotten to the point that the students did not want to take the summer off.
In my work at the Sexual Health Center, when I saw certain teenagers, I could tell they came from Beaverbrook School. Their behavior and language said it all. Even the teachers at the local High School where these students attended, stated they could tell which students came from Beaverbrook but I digress again.
There is much more in this letter. I will share with you here comments on Discipline, SCOR-E and Staff Changes.
In our public schools there are often staff changes as they seek new roles and opportunities. Janet writes:
“STAFF CHANGES
There have been many staff changes this year because some members of our staff went away to study, to become Literacy Specialists., to get a job closer to their, etc. This meant many new faces on the teaching staff at the school and these new teachers are eager to become trained in Choice Theory. They like what is happening at the school and want to learn more.
A school is a dynamic vital place to be. It is important that it is a place where staff and students enjoy coming, where communication is seen as extremely important at all levels, where teachers are lead managers in not only their classrooms, but throughout the school, and where everyone is aware that their choices affect the quality of not only their own lives but the lives of others around therm.”
During her tenure at the school, Janet received many requests from schools and teachers internationally that wanted to come visit the school to learn from them. Janet always welcomed them with open arms. She wanted to spread the ideas far and wide. It takes strong leadership and commitment and persistence to pursue your passion.
So many people were influenced by Janet is this one small part of her world. She continued to stay connected to the community of the school long after her retirement.
Personally, I admired all the she did for the teachers and students at that time. Once she retired things changed at the school but that is a story for another day. Leadership is everything. For those that attended the school in these years, Janet certainly left a wonderful legacy. I know she will be forever etched in my heart!
For those of us in the Glasser Community, she will be remembered for the first and only principal to date to lead her school to a “ Glasser Quality School.”
When traveling with kids (or some adults), you’ll hear a repetitive chorus of, “Are we there yet?”
If you are the driver, you may choose to find that annoying.
However, put yourself in the position of the passenger-child for a moment. They have no control over where they are, and they probably have little information about what is to come. From their perspective, it’s just one endless boring kilometer after another. When will it ever end?
We go on many journeys throughout our lives; not all of them involve travelling. Some journeys involve career, education, marriage, house-building, child-raising. Other interests have destinations too, whether you want to become a master chef, woodworker, or more physically fit.
Any of those journeys can be long. They may have tedious dull sections interspersed with moments of panic, and they will likely include a few setbacks, U-turns, and some confusing directions.
Whenever we embark on a big goal, “Are we there yet?” is a worthwhile question. And while it may be clear that the answer is “No, not yet,” having a little information can make the experience more fun and satisfying for everyone involved in or touched by the journey.
Think about a scavenger hunt. Why is that fun? Part of the entertainment is that you get feedback as you go—you know that you are making progress as you find treasures along the way.
For a road trip, try choosing landmarks along the way that break the trip up into manageable chunks. Seeing and sharing checkpoints along the way provides feedback. When everyone sees the mastodon on the ridge, or the giant welcoming blueberry, or even a favourite rest area, they know where they are in relation to where they are going. Progress is happening!
Simply knowing that you are headed in the right direction and getting closer to your goal can be remarkably satisfying.
This idea of making and communicating incremental progress is helpful for all kinds of “journeys” in life. Most anything that has a goal can be broken into sub-goals. For example, do you have a long educational program stretching out in front of you? What are the big milestones? Completion of tests, courses, projects…
Make a checklist, and check things off as you complete them. First semester done? Check it off. There’s no need to micro-analyze (that is, don’t try avoiding your work by making elaborate checklists.) However, giving yourself feedback by checking off completed tasks can really help you stick with it and stay motivated.
There’s a big difference between having no clue about where you are on your journey versus knowing you’ve passed 5 of the 7 checkpoints and are making progress.
Whether you are on a journey by yourself or with others, communicating milestones can help replace the aggravation of, “Are we there yet?” with the motivation of, “We’re getting there!”
What kinds of journeys could you apply milestones to in your life?
