Friend and supporter lost her battle to cancer

Friend and supporter lost her battle to cancer

On Friday, July 27 a good friend and supporter lost her battle to cancer. Janet Longaphie was the first and only School Principal to bring her Beaverbrook School to the status of Glasser Quality School.

In 1991 Dr. Glasser came to Moncton for a conference with Reality Therapy New Brunswick. At that time, I made arrangements for him to speak to a group of administrators at the local school district. Janet told me that she had read his book. “ Schools Without Failure” back in 1969 and had always been a fan of his.

At that time he had his new book called Quality School.  After a few years of using some of what she learned, from Glasser and his writing she bought a book for every teacher in the school. They met weekly for an early morning breakfast before school to study the book and it’s concepts.

In 1997 after the study was done, Janet believed her staff may be ready to do the training programs. She contacted me to see when and if we could do the training. First she had to ask her teachers. To her amazement, all of them wanted to take the training.

We spent the next three years working with staff and parents and even went into the school classroom at the request of teachers. It was amazing and wonderful to see these ideas develop in a public school. Janet never accepted “ no” for an answer when it came to getting funding for her teachers.

In 2000, Dr. Glasser came to town again and this time, Janet had asked her teachers if they were ready to declare themselves a Glasser Quality School. They agreed and Dr. Glasser attended the first and only Glasser Quality School in Canada to accept their declaration. Janet was an amazing caring teacher and principal.

She was quoted in a news video as stating that the biggest change in the school was she was no longer spending time disciplining and the teachers were now able to teach learners that wanted to learn and she was able to do her work. I want to share more information about what the impact her work with The Quality School had in the community.  Even after retirement, she continued to work in the community.

In 2003, Doug Jones and I received a letter outlining what was happening at the school 3 years after they declared themselves a Glasser Quality School

Janet wrote: “ Beaverbrook School continues its Journey to Quality. Each day we see new signs of children, parents and staff using Choice Theory in their interactions in the school and on their playground.  We continue to learn and grow and often talk about how we cannot believe the changes in the school and the students.

We all believe that it is the relationships that we have at school-relationships between staff and students, students and students, and staff and parents that are changing the school.  We do not always see the parent and child interaction but  often in the hallways will hear the parents talk to their children about choices, encouraging them to make good choices. Our goal is to keep Beaverbrook School in not only each student and staff member’s Quality World, but in the parent’s Quality Worlds as well and we believe this is happening>

What is happening at Beaverbrook?

In her letter, Janet continued:

 

“DISCIPLINE

We are very pleased with the statistics about our discipline incidents. Our Violence and Bullying statistics show a dramatic drop in the number of incidents.  Our students know that they cannot blame other kids for their actions. They know that they alone are responsible for them. This makes such a difference in the discussions that take place with the children.  Discipline is a learning opportunity not a punishment and when children understand this and begin to take responsibility for their behavior the number of incidents decreases significantly.”

In talking with Janet, she told me that they used a solution room with the students. It was a small space across from the principal’s office. Whenever there was a conflict between two students they went to the solution room to work out their differences on their own. When they found a solution they both could work with, they reported back to the principal and then returned to the classroom. Most of the time this was related to incidents on the playground.

 

Janet continued:

“ SCOR=E

During our SCOR=E program in the first two weeks of school, all of our children in Grade K to 8 are taught Choice Theory.  The teachers welcome the opportunity during these two weeks to develop a relationship with each of their students that will be a good foundation for the coming school year.  SCOR=E This acronym stands for Study, Concentration, Organization, Reading equals Excellence. It is a two- week program at the beginning of the school year that teaches academic skills in the mornings and social emotional skills in the afternoons. The entire school takes part because this is when we teach our Choice Theory and get to know the children but the format has been designed to meet the needs of the children at their own level. “

Leadership is everything and Janet understood the value of creating great relationships with the children so they would want to learn.  You see the teachers did not have to put all the children in their quality worlds  but they needed to be in the quality worlds of the children. We have a tendency to listen and learn from those people that we have in our quality world.

What about academics? Janet continues:

 

ACADEMICS

We were thrilled with the increase in our provincial academic testing scores this year. In the past, we have struggles to achieve a measure of success in these tests. This year we not only matched the district and provincial averages, we exceeded them in a number of areas. This as an extremely pleasant surprise.

I remember when Janet got the results of the tests she was so impressed with her students and teachers. She knew that the children from this center city school were beginning to love learning.  She told me that it had gotten to the point that the students did not want to take the summer off.

In my work at the Sexual Health Center, when I saw certain teenagers, I could tell they came from Beaverbrook School.  Their behavior and language said it all. Even the teachers at the local High School where these students attended, stated they could tell which students came from Beaverbrook but I digress again.

There is much more in this letter. I will share with you here comments on Discipline, SCOR-E and Staff Changes.

 

In our public schools there are often staff changes as they seek new roles and opportunities. Janet writes:

“STAFF CHANGES

There have been many staff changes this year because some members of our staff went away to study, to become Literacy Specialists., to get a job closer to their, etc.  This meant many new faces on the teaching staff at the school and these new teachers are eager to become trained in  Choice Theory. They like what is happening at the school and want to learn more.

A school is a dynamic vital place to be. It is important that it is a place where staff and students enjoy coming, where communication is seen as extremely important at all levels, where teachers are lead managers in not only their classrooms, but throughout the school, and where everyone is aware that their choices affect the quality of not only their own lives  but the lives of others around therm.”

During her tenure at the school, Janet received many requests from schools and teachers internationally that wanted to come visit the school to learn from them. Janet always welcomed them with open arms. She wanted to spread the ideas far and wide.  It takes strong leadership and commitment and persistence to pursue your passion.

So many people were influenced by Janet is this one small part of her world.  She continued to stay connected to the community of the school long after her retirement.

Personally, I admired all the she did for the teachers and students at that time. Once she retired things changed at the school but that is a story for another day.  Leadership is everything. For those that attended the school in these years, Janet certainly left a wonderful legacy. I know she will be forever etched in my heart!

For those of us in the Glasser Community, she will be remembered for the first and only principal to date to lead her school to a “ Glasser Quality School.”

Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet?

When traveling with kids (or some adults), you’ll hear a repetitive chorus of, “Are we there yet?”
If you are the driver, you may choose to find that annoying.

However, put yourself in the position of the passenger-child for a moment. They have no control over where they are, and they probably have little information about what is to come. From their perspective, it’s just one endless boring kilometer after another. When will it ever end?

We go on many journeys throughout our lives; not all of them involve travelling. Some journeys involve career, education, marriage, house-building, child-raising. Other interests have destinations too, whether you want to become a master chef, woodworker, or more physically fit.

Any of those journeys can be long. They may have tedious dull sections interspersed with moments of panic, and they will likely include a few setbacks, U-turns, and some confusing directions.

Whenever we embark on a big goal, “Are we there yet?” is a worthwhile question. And while it may be clear that the answer is “No, not yet,” having a little information can make the experience more fun and satisfying for everyone involved in or touched by the journey.

Think about a scavenger hunt. Why is that fun? Part of the entertainment is that you get feedback as you go—you know that you are making progress as you find treasures along the way.

For a road trip, try choosing landmarks along the way that break the trip up into manageable chunks. Seeing and sharing checkpoints along the way provides feedback. When everyone sees the mastodon on the ridge, or the giant welcoming blueberry, or even a favourite rest area, they know where they are in relation to where they are going. Progress is happening!

Simply knowing that you are headed in the right direction and getting closer to your goal can be remarkably satisfying.

This idea of making and communicating incremental progress is helpful for all kinds of “journeys” in life. Most anything that has a goal can be broken into sub-goals. For example, do you have a long educational program stretching out in front of you? What are the big milestones? Completion of tests, courses, projects…

Make a checklist, and check things off as you complete them. First semester done? Check it off. There’s no need to micro-analyze (that is, don’t try avoiding your work by making elaborate checklists.) However, giving yourself feedback by checking off completed tasks can really help you stick with it and stay motivated.

There’s a big difference between having no clue about where you are on your journey versus knowing you’ve passed 5 of the 7 checkpoints and are making progress.

Whether you are on a journey by yourself or with others, communicating milestones can help replace the aggravation of, “Are we there yet?” with the motivation of, “We’re getting there!”

What kinds of journeys could you apply milestones to in your life?

Susanne Beck

Susanne’s interest in Dr. Glasser’s work was sparked by the connection between Lead Management and the work of quality guru, Dr. W. Edwards Deming. Reality Therapy Certified and a mentored Take Charge facilitator, Susanne is also an active writer and blogger on Choice Theory and Reality Therapy topics. You can read more of her work at www.realitycheck.focusonclarity.com

Romance Writers Break the Mold Overview

Romance Writers Break the Mold Overview

I recently heard an interview with Chris Larson, Assistant Professor of Journalism at the University of Colorado. She spoke about the research she did on Romance Writers and their surprising financial success. Unlike many in media, romance writers are flourishing in an era of digital disruption. Larson looked at their incomes from 2008 to 2014. She found the median income had tripled. She compared that to a study by the Writers’ Guild in the US over the same period, suggesting median income for authors, across all genres, had dropped by 30%.

Chris was intrigued to find out why they were so successful and, contrary to what you might think, the key wasn’t what they were writing about.

A little history sets the stage. Romance writers were not welcomed into the Writer’s Guild with open arms and if you were not published, it was a definite NO. So a group decided to form their own organization and do things a little differently.  The rest, as they say, is history. Their enormous success is due primarily to three things they did very deliberately:

  1. They welcome everyone, published or not. Yeah!
  2. They shared competitive information (including strategies and money)
  3. They asked advice from newbies.

There is also strong tradition of mentoring in the “romance” community and they do all sorts of things to support the newbies, including sharing mistakes, new digital strategies, advice and overall transparency. Lastly, the openness to newcomers has led to innovation, with seasoned professionals asking for advice from the new people.

In a nutshell the advice was: band together, share successful practices and look for the newcomers, they likely know more about what’s coming down the pipe.

These ideas and practices I believe are relevant to any organization, board and group that wants to really flourish.

 

Lynn’s considers her own development equally important, believing you need to “walk your talk”. This opened her to a deep connection with her intuition, spiritual nature and what it means to be in flow with life. Now, as President of Miruspoint, Lynn has the opportunity to do all she loves
– work with clients, train dedicated professionals, and be part of a community of people that passionately champions the personal freedom of our spirit.

Finding the Joy

Finding the Joy

There is a woodchuck in my life. He lives close enough so I see him when he emerges from his den to sprawl on his rock in the sun. He’s far enough away, and much too wary of me, to become a pest.

I’ve been observing him off and on for a couple of decades now. I call him Willie.

Yes, I know it’s not the same woodchuck that I first saw twenty years ago. Some years, Willie has the grey muzzle of maturity. Others, he’s a sleek, fresh-faced youngster – that’s Junior. Occasionally, there are offspring, indicating that it wasn’t Willie at all, but Wilhelmina. Sadly, some years, there’s no woodchuck at all.

I get a ridiculous amount of joy from seeing Willie emerge in the spring. I also recognize and am grateful that I can find genuine joy in such small things.

Some people may perceive that the ability to find joy in the trivial is an indicator of unsophisticated tastes. That might be a reasonable perception. I choose not to let it bother me.

In choice theory, Dr. Glasser likens the human satisfaction mechanism to an internal scale, one that looks like the scales of justice. The scale compares your “what you want world” to your “what you perceive that you have world.”
If those two worlds are more or less balanced, then you’re reasonably satisfied and happy.

Glasser refers to the “what you want world” as your personal Quality World. It’s unique to you, filled with pictures of people, things, and values that you associate with positive feelings. Clearly, Willie the woodchuck has a place in mine.

To find joy in what you have is a wonderful gift. However, if you spend much time watching news or listening to some who position themselves as leaders, you may detect an attempt to influence you—to convince you that it is more virtuous to be dissatisfied than satisfied.

We could complete this sentence in a million ways: “We cannot be happy, satisfied or joyful because…” There will always be reasons to be unhappy; valid reasons that affect your life, the lives of people close to you, and the lives of strangers.

Despite all that, there are also reasons and opportunities to find joy.

If I want to find joy, I have options. I can identify what brings me joy, seek it out and bring it into my life. For example, if I were not so fortunate to have Willie, I could seek joy in other ways. No woodchuck? I could go to the shelter, help out, and pet puppies.

Or, I can deliberately choose to look for the joy in what I do have. If I find joy in nature, then even in an urban area, I can choose to see the beauty of the seagulls (or the pigeons) and the emerging greenery of spring.

Do you, too, look for the joy in whatever you have?

 

 

Susanne Beck

Susanne’s interest in Dr. Glasser’s work was sparked by the connection between Lead Management and the work of quality guru, Dr. W. Edwards Deming. Reality Therapy Certified and a mentored Take Charge facilitator, Susanne is also an active writer and blogger on Choice Theory and Reality Therapy topics. You can read more of her work at www.realitycheck.focusonclarity.com

Total Learning Competence in a Glasser Quality School

Total Learning Competence in a Glasser Quality School

In a Glasser Quality School, Total Learning Competence is stressed. Evaluations of work that are below competence (what is now a “B”) is eliminated.

All schooling as defined by Dr. William Glasser has been replaced by useful education.

For example, one school working on the Glasser Quality School Model uses a scoring system consistent with  Dr. Glasser’s recommendations, but with considerable enhancement. The in-house progress testing used is:

  • Learning in Progress (P) means competence is not yet reached
  • Competence (C)
  • Advanced (A)
  • Mastery (M)

To proceed beyond Competence to Advanced, a student engages in teaching someone else or shows a standard well beyond the learning expectations.  Similarly, to achieve Mastery, the student must teach a group of people or show a standard well beyond Advanced.

Cooperation

Students work cooperatively in teams from Pre-K onward. This early practice prepares for collaborative teamwork as students progress through the grade levels.

Senior students perceive collaborative teamwork as a skill required for University and they believe that it is one of the keys to being successful there.

 

– Trainer, Speaker, Author
– William Glasser International Senior Faculty
– Brain-Based Trainer, Jensen Learning Corporation
– Doctor of Natural Medicine, IQUIM
– Editorial Board, Journal for Choice Theory and Reality Therapy

Relationships in a Glasser Quality School

Relationships in a Glasser Quality School

One of the most obvious characteristics of a Glasser Quality School is the special relationship that exists between staff and students as well as between students.

Teachers demonstrate repeatedly how much they enjoy and love being with students.

Students at all levels indicate that they want to come to school.

Evidence of trusting relationships may be found in comments such as:

  • Here they care about us;
  • The teachers help us learn;
  • School is so much fun;
  • We have many chances to succeed;
  • We love the way learning takes place;
  • We have lots of freedom;
  • It’s not like other schools where people want to control you;
  • It’s not a scary place;
  • Other students care about me;
  • I love everything.

There is no need for teachers to raise their voices, rebuke students, or appear cross in their presence.  Students are orderly and relaxed in the corridors and in classes. There is a reasonable noise level which naturally accompanies certain types of classroom activities.  Interactions demonstrate mutual respect:  each side listens to the other and students respond to requests for silence immediately and without fuss.

In a Glasser Quality School, relationships are based upon trust and respect.  While there may be discipline incidents, all discipline problems have been eliminated.

 

– Trainer, Speaker, Author
– William Glasser International Senior Faculty
– Brain-Based Trainer, Jensen Learning Corporation
– Doctor of Natural Medicine, IQUIM
– Editorial Board, Journal for Choice Theory and Reality Therapy

Would you rather…?

Would you rather…?

Would you rather….

  • Talk till you’re blue in the face or ask a pivotal question?
  • Work harder than the clients you are trying to help or give them information that helps them to help themselves?
  • Get frustrated over people’s seemingly ineffective behaviour or develop an understanding and perspective to facilitate effective learning?

You already know which of those choices you’d rather do. You know which is most effective. And if you are in a profession that involves helping others, you also know that making the effective choice can make the difference between loving your job or hating it.

But how can you develop that skill? How do you become more effective yourself, and become more helpful for your clients?

Since 1967, more than 86,000 people have completed Basic Intensive Training in Reality Therapy and Choice Theory. Dr. William Glasser’s work is taught in over 30 countries. Choice Theory will make a difference in your life.

And the learning opportunities, books, and resources that you’ll find on this site can help!

 

 

President, The Key Associates Inc.

Founder of Choice Theory Online | William Glasser International Inc. Faculty Member, Supervisor level | Glasser Canada Board Member

During my 25 years in the Life-Work field, I have constantly been on the lookout for new tools that can better meet the needs of the people who have the desire to improve and equip themselves to achieve a work-life balance on both an individual and professional level.

If the cat would only change

If the cat would only change

Learning how to get along can be hard work. Let’s get some perspective from the dog and cat and perhaps also satisfy our basic need for fun.

If you’re familiar with households that have both a cat and a dog, you know that pets develop their own ways of interacting. The cat may be dominant; the dog may be dominant. (Yeah, right.)

Consider the dog’s point of view.  Begging for attention and the mere promise of a cookie, she’s ordered around: come, sit, stay, even roll over. Meanwhile the cat runs the house, with prime food and superior sleeping arrangements. The worst affront—the cat doesn’t even care!

The dog’s perspective is that her life would be better if the cat were different. “If the cat would only change, everything would be perfect.”

Where’s the reality therapy connection? Have you ever heard (or said)…

“If my spouse would only pay attention, everything would be better.”

“If my children would only listen, everything would be better.”

“If my boss would only smarten up, everything would be better.”

Notice any similarity to the dog’s perspective? It’s that enticing sentiment, “If somebody else would change, my life would be better.”

It’s appealing. It may even be true. If somebody else were perfect, perhaps your life would improve! If your spouse lavished you with love and attention, maybe you would have a better marriage. If your children behaved perfectly, maybe you would have a happier household. If your boss became a leader instead of a dictator, maybe work would be better.  Lots of things could improve if only others would improve.

So what’s the problem? You already know, don’t you? The reality is: we can only control ourselves. The only behaviour we can change is our own. It would be so convenient if people around us would act the way we know they “should,” but that’s not what we control.

Is there any good news? Yes! We can control ourselves. We can change our own behaviour. And if we are clear about what we want, how we want to live, how we want our relationships to be, then we can choose behaviours that will at least open up the possibility of a more satisfying life.

Next time we are tempted to blame somebody else for our unhappiness and dissatisfaction, remember the dog. Wishing someone else would change is about as futile as the dog wishing that the cat would change.

“If the cat would only change, then everything would be perfect.”

It doesn’t solve anything, but maybe it’ll bring a smile. And a smile might be just enough to remind you to choose a more effective behaviour.

Did you enjoy this post? 

You are welcome to visit my blog at www.realitycheck.focusonclarity.com

 

 

Susanne Beck

Susanne’s interest in Dr. Glasser’s work was sparked by the connection between Lead Management and the work of quality guru, Dr. W. Edwards Deming. Reality Therapy Certified and a mentored Take Charge facilitator, Susanne is also an active writer and blogger on Choice Theory and Reality Therapy topics. You can read more of her work at www.realitycheck.focusonclarity.com

Choice Theory and the Self-Doubting Athlete

Choice Theory and the Self-Doubting Athlete

As a coach, I often deal with players who doubt themselves. This slowly strips away their self-worth and enjoyment of the game.

Here is how I use Choice Theory to help a hockey player I will call Paul.

Paul has great skills. He performs above average in practice but below expectations in games. Paul can’t articulate why that’s happening, and he is upset about his game performance.

I explore Paul’s Total Behaviour by asking how he prepares for practice:

  • What are you doing to prepare?
  • What are you thinking before practice?
  • What do you feel?
  • How would you describe your physiology going into practice?

He tells me…

  • He goes through his regular warm up, stretches, prepares his equipment (Doing).
  • He loves practice. He’s relaxed and with his friends. (Feeling, Love and Belonging).
  • He thinks about scoring and making great plays, (Thinking) He feels good and happy to be part of the team (Feeling).
  • He has a lot of energy (Physiology).

In preparing for practice, Paul is in balance and appears to be going in the direction he wants. His ‘total behaviour’ supports his direction. Essentially, Paul is in more effective control.

 

How about when Paul prepares for games?  Here is a different picture:

  • He reveals that before a game, he is very nervous (Feeling)
  • He thinks about making mistakes or that he is not as good as the other players (Thinking).
  • He does not want to disappoint his father or his coaches (Relationship).
  • And, “I get a funny feeling in my stomach (Feeling) and I have low energy (Physiology).”

Pre-game, Paul is out of balance and in less effective control. He is spinning his back wheels – stuck in feeling and physiology.

What does Paul want out of his game performance? “To play like I do in practice….With confidence.”

What is the difference between games and practices?  “In practice, I feel no pressure.” Paul’s perception of pressure is fear of failure that chokes him up to where he mentally gives up on himself.

Can Paul’s perception of pressure be changed? Yes. He needs to find new behaviours, thinking and acting differently, to give him a chance to compete at his best when it counts.

A simple technique Paul can apply before a game is SOSA.  As soon as Paul feels pressure and negative thoughts appear, he can

  • Stop the negative thinking. No more ‘awfulizing’. (Thinking).
  • Oxygenate, take a few deep breaths (Doing, Physiology).
  • Seek information. What self-talk can you tell yourself to get ready? “I am great, I am meant to play in these games.” (Thinking).
  • Anchor.  Search for an anchor point. Visualize the performance you want, concentrate on the positive outcome; see it unfold before your eyes. (Total Behaviour).

Like Paul, many athletes let their emotions get in the way of their performance. Choice Theory can help them become aware of total behaviour and gain more control of their lives. It is a wonderful way to teach life skills well beyond the sport.

 

 

Francesco Bazzocchi HBA, M.ED  is an active member of the Glasser Canada board. He is Head of the Theology Department at St. Michael’s College School and a teacher of Religion and Leadership. Francesco is also the coach of the St. Michael’s Majors Prep Hockey Team